Week 29

Father's Day....Last week was a week of firsts; but this week was the first holiday we spent as a family and the first Father's Day for Jeff. I wanted to do something special for Jeff from the boys and decided to give him a diaper full of his favorite candies from each baby. After a long day of golf, the night was complete when we went to visit the boys and were both able to hold a baby. I kangarood with Brock while Jeff and Keaton had father son time. There is no better sight then to see the man I love hold and nurture my sons.

Having my mom here for the delivery of the babies, the beginning of my recovery, and the first couple of weeks of the boys lives made things better. When the pain was intolerable, when I received news about the boys that I was not wanting to hear, when I needed to break down and cry; mom was there. Father's Day was bitter sweet when I had to say goodbye to my mom; my rock. Just as my mom has a way to comfort and make things better; I must now do the same. I am now a mom; I have to be there for my boys just as my mom is there for me. I am blessed to have a mom who raised me with love and intend on doing the same with my four.

Every week is a new week; every day is a new day. The week started out fairly well....until. The weekend staff decided to repeat Brock's echo and found that he too had an open duct. They stopped his feedings and began the rounds of indocin. Grayson was holding stable and we were anticipating Monday to see what his echo results were. After listening to him, the doctors said that the duct was closed. Like every day, I started my week by my new routine: eat breakfast, pump, straighten the house, get dressed, go to the hospital, pump, and see the boys. I spend the morning and into the afternoon with the boys: holding them, being a picture fanatic, listening to the doctors, and thanking God for my little angels. As I spent the day, no new news was reported to me. When Jeff and I returned after shift change we had to idea what was coming our way. The doctor said that Grayson' s duct was open and continuing to be problematic with his lungs and breathing and overall health. He informed us that he spoke to the surgeon and my little boy would have surgery Tuesday at 2. All I could do was sit ad cry. I was frustrated that I had spent the day with the boys and I was told that everyone was doing well for where they were at. I was frustrated that we were told it was closed when it was open. Most of all I was scared. However; when it comes down to it, I want Grayson to be healthy and breathing on his own. I want to see his face without a ventilator. I want to hold my son that I have barely touched.

The night was long as I anticipated the surgery. What little sleep Jeff and I were able to get, was interrupted with a phone call at four in the morning. When the phone rang, my heart dropped. We were told that the doctors had to preform CPR o Grayson because his tube got dislodged. This was anything but the way I wanted the day to begin. After getting ready we headed to the hospital where we watched the nurses prepare Grayson all morning long to go to surgery. Two came and went and when the surgeon finally showed up she said it was too late to do the surgery and that it would have to be done the following day. Once again, not the words I wanted to hear. We couldn't help but to reach our frustration point. This is our little boy who is only getting sicker and more dependent being on the ventilator; not to mention the emotions and anticipation i had all day. Regardless; there was nothing I could do but pray and wait.

The night drug on like the previous, and in the morning I could not get to the hospital fast enough. I sat there and allowed time to pass by holding the other boys. The two o clock surgery turned into a three o clock surgery but nevertheless; the time came. Words can not describe the helpless feeling I had as they wheeled little Grayson away to the operating room. Two and a half hours seemed like an eternity. I was relieved to hear that the surgery went well overall and I had my little boy back in his safe haven. We were warned that he would get sicker before getting better; and he did. He ended up on the oscillating ventilator and it took the entire night for him to become comfortable and stable. I am grateful the surgery did the trick; and am ready for the day where Grayson is off the ventilator and I can hold my son.

Mamma and Keaton

Keaton watching mamma

Camden getting comfy after kangaroo care

If I have learned one thing this week it is a mother's love. My boys mean the world to me and I would do anything to make things better for them; but I can not. Even though I have no control over them; He does. When I think I have reached my bottom; He pulls me up.

Week 28

It is hard to think that my boys are one week old! Just a week ago we were anticipating the arrival of the blessings; and now they are here!

We were told from the beginning how the NICU was going to take us for a roller coaster; we did not get just what this meant until our journey began. I no longer live day by day or hour by hour; but rather second to second. it never dawned on me just how fast things can change; and this not just for a baby but for four babies. As hard as the pregnancy was and as relieved I was to have my four boys; having them be in the hospital and not being able to make things better for them kills me. I find myself getting frustrated over things I am not able to control. I did not expect the recovery from the pregnancy and the surgery to be as difficult and time consuming as it is. I yearn to hold my boys and to have all of my focus on them rather than having my ribs ache; my stomach throb and my back break. I want to drive to come and go as I please and not have to rely on others. I do not want to be a patient of my husbands; I want to be his wife. Just as I find myself falling into this frustration I quickly realize that this is not about me. There are four precious boys who are counting on me to be their strength and to be their nurturer. I is no more; it is they. I do not find strength in myself; I find it in Him. When I thought the trials of pregnancy had done me in; He pulled me through and I know he will be my coach and strength in this fight too.

My favorite time of day is when I walk in the NICU every morning to be greeted by my bundles. They never cease to fail me with their unbelievable cuteness. Call me bias; but they are just too cute!!! Seeing Brock snuggled on his tummy, Camden's face buried in the bed with his but in the air, Keaton sprawled out with his knees bowed and his arms outstretched and Grayson lying peacefully still asleep while being breathed for by the ventilator makes for a great start of the day!!! It's times like these that bring light to even the darker times. This week was also the week of firsts. I was able to kangaroo care with Camden, Keaton and Brock. I was saddened by the fact that I was not able to do so with Grayson and even more upset that I have not gotten to see his face as he is on the ventilator and also under the lights in which he wears a mask that covers his eyes. Today, the last day of week 28...I was able to not only see his eyes but I was also able to pick him up. His bed was being changed so I lifted him through the isolette arm doors while his nurse exchanged his bedding. Jeff had his first pee diaper change at the beginning of the week with Keaton and I had my first poo diaper at the end of the week with Keaton. I am sure in due time I will have changed all of their diapers more than I ever would have wanted!!!!! Keaton was the man of the week with firsts as I also saw him smile for the first time!!!! All of this makes my world go round!

It is times like the ones above that get me through the times like these. Grayson is still on the ventilator and will be until his ductus is closed and his lungs are cleared of fluid. He as well as the other boys had an echo on Thursday that would decide if the indocin was enough to close it or if surgery the following day was necessary. We were almost guaranteed surgery would be needed; but so far it is NOT! His ductus is almost closed so they are giving him another dose of the indocin and them reevaluating on Monday. I was shocked to find out that two of the other boys (Keaton and Camden) also had an open ductus that needs to be addressed. They were started on indocin on Thursday and I have not heard any updates as to how long or when reevaluation would take place. They also found a hole in Camden's heart that we were told was small and the doctors feel confident that it would close on its own. Our smallest little guy Brock; is so far so good...no issues! It is hard to put the entire week for the quads in one paragraph as the day to day, minute to minute changes are never ending. Well; to show just how fast things change...they redid Brock's echo ad now has discovers that his ductus is also open and he is now on his first round of indocin to close it. Another day in the life of the NICU.

A close on another week means an opening to another...a fresh start. I don''t know what we will face this week; but I do know no matter what comes our way we are not alone and the Evans' family is blessed!

My first time holding Keaton

Dad's first diaper change

Dad's first time holding Keaton

My twin!

Nana!

My first diaper change and a poo one at that

Mamma and Brock

My first time holding (well, lifting) Grayson

Week 27

Another week down; another week to celebrate!! Being aware of my internal need for a bit of control; it has been hard to except the fact that I would not know when to expect the boys' arrival. I am pretty sure that I ask quite frequently about when I will have the boys; always to get the answer, "We do not have a crystal ball but you will know when your body goes into labor." I was still uncertain with this answer as I have had intense contractions for over four weeks now. I knew exactly what their response meant Sunday night. Sunday evening my contractions went from my baseline of 6-10 a minute to one every couple of minutes and these were the strongest I have ever felt; there was no question that things were changing. I was taken to get an ultrasound and to get my cervix checked. The babies were all doing good but my cervix was thinning and shortening. They decided to up the Magnesium to 4 grams an hour; as high as they would administer it. It was within moments of the Magnesium being turned up I felt the cruddy effects; but with the adverse effects I also felt my contraction slowing down. Everything was under control until early the following morning when my contractions began to pick up and the pains were getting to be unbearable. I was already given all of the medications to stop labor; their next plan was to remove the cerclage in hopes that tension would be released and the contractions would slow. They prepared us for the procedure and to possibly do the c section and deliver depending on how my uterus responded. After the cerclage was removed they monitored my contractions for ten minutes and in deed they slowed down. We were wheeled back to the room where we anticipated what would happen next.

The morning turned into the afternoon and the afternoon proved to be that of full excitement! The contractions picked right back up; however, this time they were the most painful, intense, and consistent ones yet. Ans many times as I have said that my body was done for; I knew this time was actually it. The pain was excruciating and when checked I was 2 cm dilated, 75% effaced; my uterus had dropped along with Baby A, and the contractions were one in every minute. The team of doctors filled our room to discuss what little options we had. I could have gotten an epidural to take the pain away but the contractions were obviously labor ones so the time in which we would ultimately deliver would be very soon. We also had to take in consideration the risks associated with an epidural. I have been on shots four times a day to thin my blood for the blood clots and also the magnesium and endocin I was taking to delay labor also thins out blood which could lead to my spine bleeding and other dangers I was not willing to risk. It was also the afternoon where all of the specialty doctors for both the kids and myself were still on shift. We all decided that labor was not stopping and the safest thing to do was to deliver. Luckily my mom had decided earlier that day to get a flight to San Antonio. She arrived 30 minutes prior to me going to the OR. After signing my life away, hugging and getting reassured by my mom, we were off to deliver the boys.

We went to the OR around 4:30 and the boys were born shortly after. Brock was born at 5:08 weighing 2 lbs 1 oz and was 14 inches long. Grayson was born at 5:09 weighing 2 lbs 8 oz (his length is still not known as he was having complications). Keaton was born at 5:09 weighing 2 lbs 6 oz and was 14.1 inches long. Camden was born at 5:10 weighing 2 lbs 3 oz and was 13.78 inches long. I sought to hear the cries of all of the babies, but was only able to hear the small whimpers of two. I kept my eyes on Jeff as he towered above me to take pictures of each of our little blessings. As quick as the babies were taken out, they were taken away. I helplessly laid there as the surgery was finishing. While I was taken to recovery I knew that Jeff would check on the boys allowing for an update when I was brought back to the room. All I wanted to know was that all of my boys were doing well; it seemed that I was in recovery for an eternity! Finally I was back to my home on the labor and delivery floor and was able to hear about my babies. They were all on ventilators but were all holding stable. I let out a sigh of relief. Unable to go to the NICU due to the surgery; I saw my boys on the camera thanks to the pictures that Jeff took.

The next morning my motivation to get out of the bed was 4 little boys. I was in such pain from the surgery and other complications that made left me feeling wiped out. It wasn't until the late morning when I saw my blessings for the first time. Even with all of the cords and tubes, they were just perfect! As much as I wanted to stay the entire day; my body only allowed me to stay a few minutes. By the end of the day we were getting wonderful news about Keaton, Brock and Camden. They were being taken off of the ventilator and would just wear oxygen canulas. Grayson was left on his because his blood pressure was unstable but was getting medications for to stable it out. The next day they attempted to take out Grayson's ventilator but his lungs collapsed causing a oscillating ventilator to go back in. All of the boys were put under bili lights and two on antibiotics for possible infections. A brain scan was done on Grayson to see if the uncontrolled blood pressures effected his brain. The results showed that he had a stage one brain bleed. The words were just unsettling. The doctor explained in great detail that a stage one is basically viewed as a 0 as it has no negative effects. The next couple of days were the same sort of updates. Thursday was finally the day that I had been anticipating; the going home day!! 10 weeks on bed rest, about seven of those spent in the hospital...this girl was ready to go home!!

Being at home was just not fulfilling; as happy as I was to be at home, I wanted my boys with me. Sleep is overrated when you are in pain and can not get comfortable. A c section i am sure is bad enough; but I my abdominal muscles split during pregnancy and had to be sewed back together causing intense pain. Another UTI just added to the fun of trying to heal!! I was not too concerned about getting sleep as I just wanted to get back to see the boys. I felt guilty that I was only able to stay long enough to hear their progress and to see each of their faces. I also know that healing happens more and more each day and that things will get better to where I can spend as much time as I please with them.

We were told this experience was going to be a roller coaster of a ride; but I didn't fully understand until now. It is a good thing that we are not alone; God is with the Evans' and continues to bless us daily!!! How grateful we are!

Week 26

Beeping, nurses coming in every our for either magnesium checks or medicines, confined to the same bed and room....OLD!!!!! It is getting old. If I wasn't in a tshirt and shorts I would think I was a convict. I now understand what pregnant ladies at the approaching full term mean when they say that they are done and ready for the baby to be out. The only difference is that I am 26 weeks and not 40. As done as I feel, as fed up with feeling lousy from the meds, as over I am of getting constant infections...I can not be done. I have to find strength outside of myself to persevere and overcome these coming weeks; knowing it is what is best for my boys. It is the single hardest thing I have had to endure; but know that it will be completely worth it and forgotten.

Just as I finished the antibiotics for the UTI and other infections; I felt another coming on. Not again!!!! With infections come pain and discomfort as well as an increase in contractions; which is anything but fun. The symptoms this time were heightened; fever, aches, along with the feelings of a typical UTI. It will take 48 hrs to get the culture back; however, IV antibiotics along with oral ones should start to kick the infection...I am hoping!!! 28 weeks is the next goal and is when the Magnesium will be shut off; for a drug most are on for a period of only 48 hours; I will be starting the 4th week this coming week. I am ready for the day when it is done!

Having the type of personality that likes to know what is going on and what to expect; this situation is just not conducive. As most women have a due date to anticipate and plan for; I do not. There is no date or time as to when the babies will come which leaves me to depend on God that much more. I have learned so much throughout this experience which I am thankful for. Where I use to try and control every and all situation; depending on what was penciled in my planner; I have learned to allow God to be my planner. He lets me know on his time; what will come our way.

The babies had a growth scan this week. Two babies were 2lbs 4 oz, one baby was 2lbs  3 oz and the other was 1 lb 14 oz. All were right above or average; making this mamma happy!!! And to top the good news was Jeffrey making our anniversary special; even being in the hospital! Roses; a little cake with flowers on top, a sweet card and a nice take out dinner made the day a memorable one!!

Seeing my belly grow means that my baby boys are growing too; I still stare in awe at how the human body can be pushed beyond the conceivable limits! Just when I think I can not do one more day; I am given the strength I need to pull through...no longer is it about me; it is about my four blessings!

Week 25

There are no words to describe the feeling I get when another week is conquered. Not only have we made it past the goal of week 24; we have made it further than what was anticipated! Our excitement from making it through another week was stirred up when I was told it sounded like there was fluid on my lungs and that delivery was highly going to take place. Xray came up to my room to picture my lungs, but I ended up going down to get a more reliable picture. As I prayed and anxiously waited to hear what was going to happen; we were finally told the new plan. I did have fluid on my lungs and the magnesium would have to stop. I would be given a diuretic to help rid some of the excess fluid. All I could hear was no magnesium which was the only thing to slow my contractions. My mind went into overload as to what this meant. We were told the NICU team would come to speak to us to inform us of their game plan; and I would be given one dose of turbutaline (a shot not commonly given due to the adverse effects it has on the mom) to help with the contractions as well as a twice weekly shot of progesterone (a hormone shot to help stop pre term labor). All I could do was to pray for God's will be done; if ever a time I realized I had no control....it was now.

Shots were given, prayers sent up, and the NICU team arrived. I tried to take in every single word the head Dr was saying without being overwhelmed by emotions. This proved to be a task in itself. Even with the information overload; I was calmed with a peaceful heart. It wasn't up to me, my Dr's or even the NICU team as to what would happen to my babies whether they delivered that day or several weeks later. All I knew is that God was looking out for my boys and he would help them persevere no matter what. The next couple of days were spent not knowing what would happen; but nonetheless another day went on! One man from the NICU team who had spoken to us stopped by our room everyday to see how things were going and to pray with us...this is who was on my and my boys team; a man of the Lord (this was a rarity with Dr's and I was even more at peace that this man was brought to us!)! This made our days brighter.

Not a day later and my lungs cleared enough for the magnesium to begin again, which was a blessing as the contractions began to pick up (a UTI and other infection did not help out the contractions). The day brightened as my sister arrived into town and our nurse fought for the catheter to be removed so I could become half way normal by getting to get up the few short minutes to use the bathroom. Although shaky and weak from the magnesium, it felt nice to get to move a few short steps. This was the first time since being admitted I got a good look at my growing belly; and HUGE was an understatement!! We were on a streak with advocating nurses as the night nurse advocated for a shower...not a hang the head on the side of the bed hubby hair wash; but a real shower. I suppose the night Dr's are more pushovers than the day (or the nurse was quite the arguer!)! because they gave in!!! Now this was nice and appreciated; how the little things are so easily overlooked!!!

Closing out the 25th week and a mix of emotions set in. I am thrilled to have made it this far, tired of hurting from the pregnancy itself and all of the drugs to prevent labor, anxious about what the future holds. over being on bed rest....but most of all I am blessed. If it were up to my body; I think the towel would have been thrown in by now; god thing it is not me and my strength but His.

Me at 25 weeks

Week 24

Week 24...the week we have all been counting down to; and we made it!!!!Jeffrey woke me up to banana pancakes and welch's sparkling grape juice in a wine glass! CHEERS!!!!! This is by far the best celebration! How blessed I am to have gotten this far, despite the many complications. Thank you God! It is hard to imagine just six weeks ago when we were first admitted that we would ever see this day; with all of the lousy news and complications we encountered...but we did. And it would be wrong of me to say that, "We did it." I did not do anything, nor did Jeff...God did!

Beginning Saturday, I noticed that my contractions were getting a bit stronger; but at this point I was still uncertain as to which movement or tightening were to be considered a contraction. Needless to say; I ignored it. By the time Monday came I had noticed that I was feeling something different in my lady parts during a contraction that I had not felt before. I questioned all day as to whether or not I should go to the hospital or if I was overreacting. I decided to let Jeff make the call. At first he said what I wanted to hear and that was we were never satisfied with night time residents making decisions about our high risk pregnancy so we would wait it out until the morning. He went to work out as Judy (his mother) and I was watching our Monday night show, Dancing With the Stars (when all you have to do is lay; one becomes an avid show watcher!!!)! The began tracking the contractions and saw that they were fairly regular and I was still feeling them down below. Jeff came home and still we both tried to ignore it as we continued our nightly routines. It wasn't an hour later when we knew that we needed to go to the hospital.

When we arrived; the process we had encountered quite a few times began: checked in, hooked to the contraction monitor, vitals taken, and the wait for the Dr's examination. The monitor was picking up the regular contractions and the Dr. did his exam. My cervix was unchanged which was wonderful. We were told I would be admitted and they would put me on IV Magnesium to try and control the contractions. Although this is not what either Jeff nor I wanted to hear; we knew it was necessary. Being on this drug is a drag to say the least: the sweats, vomiting and nausea, having to have a catheter to ensure the output equals the input (Mag can cause fluid build up in the lungs and can cause the kidneys to not perform well). These are the frequently felt symptoms; the others are checked for every hour but are I guess less common. However; God gives strength and a mamma's love for her children in inconceivable...so this too would pass. After enduring a long night of unpleasant contractions and side effects, things seemed to calm down. It was a day later we suspected things were not critical as they moved our room away from the OR. This along with the news that our babies and my cervix were doing well; once again made it all worth it!

There is nothing fun or entertaining about a hospital and carrying quadruplets takes a toll on a pre pregnant 106 lb. body. The fact that we have made it through the 24th week and the meds seemed to be working brings an entire new meaning to the term fun!!!

Week 23

Mother's Day...I have considered myself a mom for quite a few years having been a teacher and having my furry babies. But this mother's day was different; I truly felt like a mom. How special and strong the bond I have with my four growing boys. Every kick, push, or pain I feel brings me excitement! Feeling them makes them real which makes motherhood apparent. Although they are not "here" for me to feed, rock, or nurture; my womb is doing all of those things; they need me just as I need them. I know every mom has a bond with thier child; but I just feel a connection with my boys that is beyond description. This has been a roller coaster of a pregnancy and my boys have endured it all with me; they go through everything that I do which has made us all stronger, I believe.Jeffrey made my day even more special by surprising me with a card, bear, and pearl ring; something I will cherish forever! Closing out on our 23rd week we are coming up on a milestone week; week 24...something that seemed so out of sight just a few weeks ago. This is one Mother's Day I will never forget and which holds a special place in my heart!

My days all go by the same...I lay in the same recliner day in and day out, I have my daily show line up, I talk to my mom 20 times a day, & I look forward to the same time of day (lunchtime when Jeff comes home from work). As monotonous as my life is on bedrest; time passes! Everyday that passes brings me one day closer to meeting my boys and gives my boys one more day to grow healthy and strong. How can I not be blessed!? I guage my weeks by my weekly high risk appointments. It gives me something to look forward to as well as breaking up the monotony. I get a chance to be human again; I get dressed, put on some makeup, comb my hair and get to leave the house!!! What most people take forgranted; I cherrish! It is also the time that I get to be reassured that my body and the boys are holding on strong; ultimately allowing me to stay home another week!

I wrote out my list of questions, concerns, and medications I need refilled to bring to the Dr and off we went on Wednesday afternoon for my weekly outing. Once wheeled upstairs; my weight and vitals were taken. I am now at 145; up a pound from last week and all of the other numbers are looking good. We went with our normal ultrasound tech and she mesured my cervix and monitored each baby's heart rate, doppler velocity, and fluid. This time of the appointment is when I say a prayer knowing that God is in control. My cervix was unchanged and all of the babies looked great; even after I have been on the Indocin (to control contractions)  for about a week again. Relieved I was! The Dr came in to review everything and to take a look himself; which he seemed to be pleased on how everything was going. I have had an extreme pain in my right ribs that I thought was either a baby or an organ being pushed into them. I told my Dr about it and he took a look with the ultrasound. He said the only thing that was against my rib at the time was Grayson' manhood; and as much as his Daddy would like to think it was the cause of my pain, I an the Dr highly thought not. He said that usually your ribs expands over weeks to accomodate for when a belly grows; mine however has not had that same opportunity to grow and cannot keep up with my daily growing belly; hence the pain. I was already prescribed pain meds for when my back or cervix aches; but it does not ease the rib pain at all. He said this could be another variable as to when we would deliver; although I am praying thtat my body will begin to grow as it is needed to accomodate my four growing boys.

I am so blessed that everything is going well and look forward to being on bedrest for the health sake of my boys for a few more weeks! God is good and has proven that he is in control and can make anything happen out of any situation!!!!!!

Me at 23 weeks

Brock's big mouth at 23 weeks

Camden at 23 weeks



Grayson at 23 weeks (Keaton's picture is MIA at the moment)