2012...overrated

I sat and read my post about the upcoming new year...I just spoke too soon. Not that I am dooming my family to a horrible year or am I being pessimistic as to what is to come; but our new year just didn't go as planned. The day started out great! The boys got a bath, played, ate, napped like champs, and we took our daily outing to Wal Mart to pick up odds and ends...and to just get out. Grayson had been spitting up a mucus substance for a couple of days but we were just excited he wasn't projectile puking! It got progressively more in volume and come New Year's; the color had turned to a brownish. I wasn't concerned as he gets prune juice in the majority of his bottles in addition to the formula; so I assumed the color was from the juice. We went to dinner at a hole in the wall Mexican Restaurant nearby (literally a mile from base just in case the boys were fussy as Grayson had been all afternoon) and that is when the pukes got worse and the color darkened. It was like we were reliving the story of Brock. I called my pediatrician and she was also concerned about the color. I found myself in denial and even reassuring her that I was putting prune juice in his bottles and maybe that was the cause for the dark. It wasn't five minutes we were at home and he started spitting up bright red. I packed him up and took him to the ER once again. I found myself going back to that Sunday afternoon with Brock. Same white bib, same brown and red spit up, same hospital. I refused to have the same ending.

After a sleepless night and an additional 2 day stay; they presumed he had C.Diff and had made a tear in his esophagus from all o f the spitting up which caused the blood. Whatever it was, they were thorough in making sure what happened to Brock was not with Grayson. They even; put a rush on the biopsy to double check things. Longest wait ever. GI almost assured us that it was still just the milk allergy. What we did not want to hear happened. The biopsy showed that he had Hirschprungs. The pediatrician delivered the news after I paged for the results. Our GI doctor called and brought a glimmer of light to the situation. He said that the biopsy tests for Ganglion cells; those which might not have developed yet due to his prematurity. He said there was one other test that would bring definitive answers but was not done here in San Antonio. My response was that we would go where need be to be given a clear cut answer. Being a momma I wanted to be in two places at once....here with the other two boys and in Houston with my sick baby. It just made since for me to stay here with the other boys to keep routine and Jeff go with Grayson. I sat on pins and needles. Thanks to my wonderful neighbors for occupying my time with their company an d all of the food between the anxious me that I prepared and kind them. Jeff finally called me back to tell me the confirmation news of what we already knew from the biopsy but were hoping would be negative. He said they did the test tens of times and it ca;me back with the same result of him having Hirschprungs. My heart just sunk. I didn't want it for my baby or my family to endure. I now desperately seek the easy button.

I have become "that mom". I find myself being a bit paranoid. I was given the warning signs to look for to when he should go to the hospital...he must poo at least once a day, eat the same, and no fevers....what constitutes enough poo??? This has been so nerve wracking.

The surgeon called me this afternoon with some sort of game plan. She wants to redo the barium enema test to see what was really Hirschprungs and what was resolved from the formula change due to the milk allergy. We do this on Thursday. Keaton will also have a barium enema done as he to is struggling to go number 2...and well; I just can not take any chances with my three little boys.

As selfish as it sounds...Ido not want to have to endure any more surgeries with my babies....I do not want to see Grayson go away to surgery where I can not help him and make it better, I do not want him to hurt, and I do not want my other two to feel neglected throughout it all. I just do not want it. However; this is what we have to deal with ; so we will. In hopes that all of my boys will be well and healthy we will persevere; because we remain blessed times four.

Grayson all packed for his first road trip away from home.

Grayson being a big boy1

Everyone home and back together!

1st Christmas

I remember sitting in the NICU and holding each of the boys...all I could do is dream of when I had them home and think about all of the firsts...1st Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas. It is hard to think that the dream became true. The one thing missing this first Christmas was my Brock. I found myself wrapped ;up in a load of emotions these past few weeks. I think I heard the song by The Band Perry "When I Die Young" (what played at Brock's services) more this week than ever before.As the boys grow, I also see Brock more in them. And as always when we are out and about people stop to stare at, "the triplets" which they are not and will never be. As much as my emotions were flailing about...I loved and appreciated the boys' first Christmas. I dressed them in "My First Christmas pj's on Christmas Eve". We spent the day playing with Christmas cartoons on Nick Jr playing in the background. I made a quick trip to the Commissary to buy makings for Christmas dinner...grilled steaks and sweet potatoes and Jeff and I exchanged gifts. Christmas Eve was ended by a visit from one of our favorite NICU nurses, Kristie. I had planned on washing their Christmas pj's so they would be able to wear them on Christmas as well...but thanks to Kristie I didn't have to! She got them the cutest little reindeer feet sleepers, a fitting picture frame, and brought an ornament with each of the four boys names on it from all of our favorite NICU nurses. It was a great visit!

Christmas Day the boys were in rare form. They are use to napping from 10:30-2:30 ish. They didn't sleep a wink. Well...maybe a total of five winks; the other 4 hours was spent fussing. The day was made up for when we went over to Kristie's house to have Christmas dinner...a perfect end to a fussy day.

The next week was filled with testing for Grayson. We had the sweat test to see if he had CF (came back negative) and he also had the biopsy. I do not know if that was worse for him or for the momma; it was just terrible but completely necessary. We will find out the results in about two weeks; as much as I hate waiting; I am praying that all will be ok....it just has to be.

The boys and I have got the pleasure of having Jeff at home throughout the holiday weeks. We are now accustomed to taking a field trip everyday after naptime. I love it and so does the boys!!! Once Jeff is back at work I am going to make an effort to keep up the outings as it is good for us all to get out of the house! Let me just say; we got all kinds of crazy for New Years....NOT!!! HAHA! Life with three little boys is never ending; so we stuck to our normal schedule; I wouldn't have it any other way! We have been attempting to get the boys to sleep through the night...New Years Eve was a success!!! Keaton got fussy around five but no one got out of the crib until 7:20....This made New Years!

I do hope this is a start to a great year! Not that 2011 was a bust; it was just overwhelming. From the quad pregnancy to the 16 week NICU stay to the passing of my sweet baby Brock; it has been a year. Here is to hoping that 2012 is filled with positives! Ringing in the New Year being blessed times 4!