Saying Goodbye

I usually have tons of words and much to say...I just do not. Having to plan a funeral for your son just leaves a momma speechless. All I knew was I wanted Brock at home in Panama City and was going to find a way to make it happen; he deserved it. That is just what we did in two days: settled all the important things, booked a flight, found help for the other boys, and flew Brock home to lay to rest. I just can not begin to describe the feelings that overcome when having to plan out a funeral service for a baby...and not just a baby..but my sweet Brock. Nevertheless he deserved the remembrance and the services so we with the support of family and friends gave him a service I will never forget and hope that made him proud. My sister and I put together a slide show of his life that played to the island version of Somewhere Over the Rainbow. he service was given my my Uncle, my Daddy read the Psalm we read from the start of the pregnancy, and I read one last letter I wrote and placed with my son. We ended the service and rainy afternoon with the song "If I Die Young" by the Band Perry playing in the background while everyone released what was close to 300 blue and white balloons in the sky. No words are left but the heartfelt letter I read to my baby.....:

"Brock, you have been so loved ever since the day I found out I was having you and your brothers. God must have known how much I needed a baby as he blessed me with four!!! We have all come so far. From the uncertainties of the pregnancy to you and your brothers deciding you were through baking at 27 weeks, to our roller coaster NICU stay and to the ultimate goal of bringing you and your brothers home. I loved everyday of being a quad mom; even though at times it was crazy, I wouldst change it for the world and would give anything to have it back again. You must know just how loved you are son. Ever since that Christmas Eve almost a year ago when your Dad and I found our that we were having a baby let alone four...we were in love! i don not understand why God needed you in heaven but I do know that God does not make mistakes. And even though you are not at home; I am still and always will me your Momma Brock. I have three constant reminders of you in your brothers.

Like I told you all along, I am going to tell you one more time because I am the Momma Brock. Brock...remember what your Momma says...wash behind your ears because no one like the stinky kid and just be happy because no one likes the whine bag. Mommy loves her little B-Rock. And I have one new one to add my baby....always look after your little brothers as you are now their angel to them all and they and we need you!!!! We all miss and love you! And although you are now in heaven, I am and will always be blessed times four."...Love your Mommy.