Friday, April 29, 2011

Week 21

With hopes and anxiety about going home; sleeping on Friday night was almost impossible. My Dr would be doing a complete exam on Saturday morning of babies and me to make sure everything is still holding up. As much as I have given God complete control; I found myself being consumed with worrisome emotions. The Dr started out by looking at each baby and his heart to find (as always)  they are all perfect. Then the moment I anticipated...the cervical length. She measured my cervix at its high and low and found that it was unchanged since the cerclage; instant relief set in! She explained the importance of me following the same strict bed rest at home as I did here and gave us instructions to how to operate and manage my "pharmacy." With all of the reservations I have with going home after what we have been through; I just have to remind myself who is in control and the goal we are reaching for.

Knowing now that in a matter of hours (as soon as the IV antibiotics are complete, the pharmacy has everything we need, and the discharge papers are finalized) I will be going home to my own bed, my own shower, my own sheets, and my little babies (the feline babies that is); I can hardly wait. I get a couple week break of no strange nurses coming into my room at all hours of the day and night, no 10 times a day blood work done that leaves me feeling like a pin cushion, no IV to have to worry about....I am beside myself. I know that it is only for a few short weeks; but I can use this break to prepare myself for the next stay.

A week ago when my cervix had shortened to an extreme low and I got badly ill after the surgery; this day would never have seemed real. It is not that I am strong or that things just worked out; God has truly been in control this entire pregnancy and has got us all five through the hardest of times. The ride home was anything less than desirable...bumps just hurt!!!! Walking into my house to smell the almost forgotten smell was wonderful. Jeff and his mom had spent the day shopping for everything I would need to make this home vacation as comfortable and safe as possible. I instantly found refuge in my new recliner where I would live surrounded by a fortress of pillows for the next few weeks. Once I reclined back my little boy (Felix the cat) sought refuge in my lap; now that I missed!!!! The next day I made the feared journey up the stairs to shower; we only have a 1/2 bath downstairs. Showers are no longer enjoyable as they once were; having to use a shower chair and being careful not to over exert or extend sucks the fun out of it. Nevertheless; that endeavor was conquered. Initially we planned I would shower at night, sleep in bed, and make the one time a day journey down the stairs in the mornings to live out the duration of the day in my recliner...plan A changed to plan B as soon as I tried to recline in bed to blow dry my hair. My bed could not support me in the places I need to allow me not to have to put pressure on my stomach or plan; live and sleep in the recliner only to venture up the stairs when necessary to shower. I am certain no one wants to be completely helpless or to live out everyday in a chair, getting up only to use the restroom which still requires help to get up....I refuse to complain or throw a pity party; how could I? I have four little boys baking in my womb who make each day a gift and something to look forward to as their health, development and arrival is the ultimate blessing and reward!

Even when I did not receive the best of news at times when I was in the hospital, I was spoiled with getting daily updates of myself and my boys. Although my faith has never been waived during any of the pregnancy and I trust God to keep us all safe, I do struggle with anticipation and worry that I daily ask for relief and help with. That being said; I have anticipated today's appointment since I was released from the hospital Saturday night to ensure both my body and the boys are doing well. We started the morning bright and early to a field trip to the hospital for a glucose tolerance test since I failed the one hour test. I wake up craving breakfast; so the fact that I wouldn't be able to feed the five of us until noon was just no fun!!!! Never did a Subway sandwich taste so gourmet than it did at noon today!!! After lunch Jeff wheeled me to the high risk clinic for the appointment to begin!! Our wonderful ultrasound tech checked my cervical length as well as looking at each babies ductus (area of a babies heart that is open in the womb to allow the baby to get oxygen but closes once the baby is born since it will breathe as we do) and fluid. One of the medications, Endocin, that I am on to control contractions comes with the risk of closing the ductus of each baby's heart if used for a prolonged time. All of the heart rates and fluid was well. After a long 2 hour wait after the ultrasound to see our Dr (he was in a emergency C-Section) another high risk Dr who we had seen at the start of our hospital stay came in to review all of us. My cervix is still hanging long and strong at 4.2 which just simply amazes me (all credit goes straight to heaven). The babies fluid and heart rates were all good but when she checked the velocity of each of the boys' ductus one baby's had increased. Although the baby is not in danger now; continuing the medication could prove to be fatal. My Dr had finished in surgery and they both discussed what steps should be taken next. It was decided to stop the medicine and just continue on the blood pressure medication used also to limit contractions.

Last night I did what I was told and just discontinued the medication. I have faith that the contractions will stay at rest, allowing my cervix to stay long and strong and the babies to bake as long as possible. How blessed we are to have made it to 21 weeks despite the rough patches; and I just have that since of peace that everything is going to be fine with all four boys healthy and born later rather than sooner.

This past month my days and nights run together as I do the same thing....lay down!!! Tomorrow my mom and sister are hosting a baby shower where I of course can not be there; but I will be skyping in to be apart of the festivities....another occasion to celebrate the four gifts given to us by God!!!

Me at 21 weeks off to a field trip of appointments!

Brock at 21 weeks; mid yawn

Grayson James at 21 weeks

Keaton John at 21 weeks

Camden James (baby on top) at 21 weeks

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